1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
