Where did you get a picture of my penis
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
