Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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