How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
