Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
