yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She bit a glass in half.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
