My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
