Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
