don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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