I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
