I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
