why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
