Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
