Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
