Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My vagina just recognized that song.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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