Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
