How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
