And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
