Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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