this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
