So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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