your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
