So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i've created a new STD.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
