I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
