My liver just broke up with me...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
