New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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