all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
