he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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