Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
