i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
