Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
