I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
