I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
