Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You need Xanax blowdarts
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
