i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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