pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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