you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
