tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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