I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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