I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
