Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
