Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
