Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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