well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
