I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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