I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
