I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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