you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
