I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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