I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
