The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
