It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
