The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
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All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
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Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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