I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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