Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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