i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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