His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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