I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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