I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
