yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
