Its about making memories worth repressing
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
