If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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