We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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