we have pet lesbian snakes
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
