There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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