you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
