Got a toothbrush?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
