dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
