Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my being single is dangerous.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
