Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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