one two three fourrrrnication!
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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