Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
