I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
