My nipple is on Facebook.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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