not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
