I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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