He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
did i walk over a car last night?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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