Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
