I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
