Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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