My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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