If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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