wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
