A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
